Looking back, I was deeply focused on fulfilling what I believed were my responsibilities to God, my country, and those around me. This mindset often fed my sense of value, making me view idle days as unproductive and akin to cheating.

Now that I’ve been retired for a while, I find that I’ve slipped into too many leisurely days, which leaves me feeling unproductive and, at times, useless. The tasks I do—gardening, laundry, cleaning—are necessary, yet they follow my own schedule and rules. While this may sound idyllic, it often feels devoid of compassion.

I’m coming to realize that my previous emphasis on work overshadowed my relationships. In my quest to be helpful to others, I neglected to truly engage with them, particularly the ones who matter most.

Now I ponder whether my work was as impactful as I once thought. Those lazy days could have nurtured deeper connections. I realize that I was somewhat lackadaisical in both my work and my leisure. My sense of productivity tended to revolve around myself, and nowadays, my leisurely moments often feel solitary.

This insight encourages me to focus on building meaningful relationships, whether I’m working or relaxing, as both can be fulfilling. I’m learning that true rest is a spiritual endeavor, and nurturing connections brings a deeper sense of fulfillment.

Categories: Change of heart

Tagged as: Accomplishments relationships soul searching

Douglas Knight

I have the rich life full of a sinner wounded by misunderstanding and punishment but blessed by mercy and forgiveness.